This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
