Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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