I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
