Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
