we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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