Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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