R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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