Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
