he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm always down for nudity.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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