Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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