Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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