why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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