i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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