I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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