She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
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just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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