Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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