just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
