Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
