we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
