Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
