BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
