So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize