So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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