Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
