I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
