rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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