so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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