i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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