SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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