I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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