Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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