So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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