you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
