Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
