i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
