y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
