Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
