so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
