So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
