Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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