Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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