yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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