Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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