I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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