the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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