Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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