Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
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The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
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It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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