i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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