can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm getting married
To pizza
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
