I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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