spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
