just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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