another moral hangover. fuck.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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