when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I skipped work to stalk him.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
