We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
