Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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