someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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