i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need to align my fucking chakras
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
