Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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