"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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