We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
