you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
