I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize