I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
