so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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