well you can't waste a boner
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
