i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
